oh i love growth and sharing the process of it, by letting people in and witnessing their day to day. 

what i was so sure of got shaken by an ending of one of the things what i was sure of. and it's humbling that putting the label on things external, when i realized that i don't have the control of the externals. but what i was sure of remains, becoming what i AM so sure of.

what a sucker sharing day to day, mundane to chaos events. it lifts my spirit. those: 

"i sorted the problem occured earlier"

"my students gave me these presents for teacher's day"

"i don't think i can go because i'm saving up for my wedding"

"my trip is tomorrow!"

exactly what i love, my way of love, the way i feel loved.

love is mad broad, but if this tingling warm sensation i feel everytime people in my life share something about their life with me is love, then be it.

i am sure of, i want to be able to exist in my own timeline while holding hands with another in their own timeline. i don't want to give up my life, nor i want them to give up theirs. and i'm having it since forever with my friends, like we're all definitely in different paths in our lives. and i want to have exactly like this romantically too. and that's what i've always been so sure of, and i even thought i had it until it showed me it was never like it. and that shows me it was never meant to be, that's the only it. it's not about what i was sure of was wrong, just a wrong person.

i am happy to be the space where they can share about their day and i feel loved being the space. and this maybe is the reason why many came and told me that they are comfortable with me. maybe because i hold this space, and this is just me doing it naturally. maybe this is my concept of love.

i am writing this out to remind myself that we were never unsure of what we want. let's read this post again and again when we feel lost about how love meant to us.