We are going back in time, when things were so messy that they shaped who I am today.

As far as I can remember, my teen self was very confident with her brain, but rather less on personality. She was complete shit to her friends that everyone never put her on that #1 chair. She also so caught up with feelings towards opposite gender, she changed boyfriends so quick, just to fill the empty spot to forget who really resided in it. Many years had passed, she was still affected as bad.

Then, things were going downside when she turned 16. She had lost the confidence, she was feeling very insecure as she had started to care about her appearance. She also started blaming her parents for not letting her riding on the trend wave and not being able to afford it. She was very heartbroken when the one truly resided in the small empty spot would never able to turn to her. She had started to live in the moment and accept how things were. She finally gained friends, and cancelled those snakes. She started to have trust issues and doubting everyone's intention around her.

Funny how this life is.

The prayers I begged while my forehead onto the earth for so many days and months and years, many years later He finally answered it. Not entirely but most of them.
I didn't get chances to make things right, I was too caught up with my feelings but the other party felt almost nothing. You know who you are, I'm glad I got all the answers of the questions I have forgotten for awhile. I was scared to acknowledge we happened because I thought it was only one sided. But you cleared it out and said it wasn't.

I remember the other day on Curious Cat, the daily question was,
"Would you rather have a very long (120 years) comfortable but boring life, or live half life as long but have an exciting life packed with adventure?"
Then I responded,
"Honestly, what so good to live long?"

It feels like, the most random question was being answered as well.

But do I have to live all the way to wait all the prayers to be answered?

My 20 years old self, wants everyone has the chances to live up how they deserve it because I know how it feels like when you don't get a chance to make things right. But, it is also everyone's choice to make things right. I don't regret giving chances, but I do feel upset when they don't use it.

I just don't want to feel, I can't translate the same energy as it emits, terkilan.

I always wanted to do the best, because I know at the end of the day, we'd feel like, "I should've done better".

Live in the moment, embrace everything that is happening.

You'd be upset on some, be sad on some, or be too caught in the moment

but I guess, you'd feel more, free from any guilt.

I'm scared of disappointments, but I want to feel good about myself for letting everything out and not leaving anything behind.

This is my 20 years old life principle. I have to live all the way to see how much I have changed. I hope I'm still blogging hahahahahhaha