welcome to another episode of unmotivated weeks

it sucks how i don't know how much i have progressed, and how i can't see if i'm doing well

last few weeks i lost my focus in class, i just jotted notes with my mind went elsewhere, i'm not sure what i was thinking about. well, a lot of things have been around my head for quite a while. the main topic is money. in short, i'm BROKE broke.

i gave up last few days. i just kept on napping, and do absolutely nothing because i feel if i do anything, nothing would work out.

i felt jealous of my friends' achievements, i wanted to get what they got but look at my lazyass doing. i'm such a failure.

i felt suck for weeks. i questioned my self worth; do people attach to me because they want something from me? if i'm not able to give as much would they leave me?

no matter how much i've tried, nothing, absolute nothing, works out. and i feel like i could've done better but i don't know how to and i can't.

i prayed, but i was so impatient that i wanted the result of my prayers to happen soon but nothing changed. things are still the same as how they were weeks ago.

i feel like giving up. for real. i feel like i just want to quit everything and jump into the sea then let the waves either drown me or bring me somewhere else and leave me to die out of hunger.

God, I need help.