Am I the toxic one?

Do I demand so much?

Am I the one who hasn't recover from past break up and then you're the victim?

I have so many unanswered questions within these few weeks.

I'm so sorry. I don't know what I've done.

I've been so breathless for days.

I've been so worried for days.

Being back at home is not helping.

My dad seems like losing hope of living. His health hasn't shown any improvement.

I feel like I'm very selfish. I'm worried over things I shouldn't.

I should shift my focus all onto my dad and myself.

Seeing Ayah losing hope in living, makes me sad.
Makes me blaming every single thing as the cause of it.

I'm only in this simple psychological problem but Ayah is facing even bigger issue. His health is at stake. He keeps on saying "Dang ke dok sapa raya ni"
I refused to translate that. Spitting this out is hard.

I realized I hate opening up to my friends but to my partner isn't.

It should be otherwise.

I'm suck.

Guess I'm toxic that's why he has stopped talking to me.

Am I being manipulative now? I don't know myself.

I feel so breathless again.

This is why I hate opening up.

I don't know what I should do.

Should I wait?

Should I give up?

Should I ignore and shift my focus onto something else?

I really need a recovery period.

But I need explanations too.

I don't know.

I feel like I found a dead end.

I can't do anything.

I can't change things.

People say don't cry over spilled milk.

If I cry over it too, do I look dumb?

I have so many questions, that I know I have no answer for them.

Please talk to me and tell me what I have done. I'm tired of feeling breathless. Please have mercy on me.