sips warm green tea with honey. it's raining, and it's extra cold.

messy table, full of foolscap papers that I jotted down lecture notes, and rewrite them in my notebook.

quite occupied, there are lots of things, filling the capacity of my 2 brain cells.

and one week left until mid sem break. I'm going to Langkawi from KL. meeting family there.

okay, that's a quick heads up.

A friend went through another heartbreak this year. They were cute, all giggly bubbly but then he ghosted her. That hits home. I'm especially empathic about her situation. That hits home. She was waiting for him to reach her out first and so-called 'pujuk' her but he did nothing but ghosted her for days. Then, considering all, we told her to just reach him out first and 'settle' things out.

"Why do you want to settle for less? He ghosted you? If I were you, I'd leave him. That's the peak unless he has explained if he has things going on."

That's what I told her. I'm especially furious because it hits home. I've been left without a scrap of news for a month and weeks, for no absolute reason was told in advance. That gets on my nerves the most. I especially hate stuff left unsettled. That makes you a loser, for running away from the problem. Because it makes me anxious as fuck, overthinking until I can't fall asleep and can't get stuff done. I despise this the most. I despise the action the most. You suck if you leave people hanging without explaining the situation really is.

This sounded like a fresh wound huh. I have a bad memory but I can remember clearly stuff that got me fucked up in the mind.

But, I can't blame 100% on him. I was at the fault too, I was too dependent on my happiness and my own self worth onto people.

Throughout months, you can read all my posts. You can see that I was too dependent. I can't seem to move on. I think I still do but not as bad anymore.

I could say, it's not good to dwell on people because they bound to leave anyways. They'll leave you anyway. And now, I've learnt. I don't want to do mind games. It gets me feeling stuck in the throat in my chest. Feelings changed over time. From liking and loving you unconditionally, until they found faults in every way.

Waiting on people is such a waste of time. We thought we stood a chance but little did we know they got us completely erased out of their mind. We are the fool here, friends. Don't do waitings, at least don't wait for undeserved. Focus on you, friends. We have many things that we can achieve in the meantime, then you'll learn your self-worth. You'll know to whom to settle down, and to which qualities for you to seek for.

Friends, quoting a tweet, "you deserve someone who makes you feel important, who puts in time and effort without you asking for it, who makes you feel loved, valued and appreciated every day." And most importantly, consistent in loving who you are and giving what you deserve for, and, lastly, find your happiness, independently, not onto people.

Until the day, that we don't need anyone to define our happiness in life. Until the day, we no longer longing for someone to talk to about our days. Until the day, we no longer missing unexistent a figure and love ourselves unconditionally.

Live in the moment, be sad on your sad days, enjoy to the fullest on your happy days.

People come and go, that's the fact that we cannot deny nor argue. It's only a matter of time, either now or after some time later.

And, people forget. We are the wind that embraces and caresses them, but it passes then they get caresses by another wave of wind.

Yes, they'll replace us.

I'm so used to getting forgotten and replaced.

Should stop, my notebook is wet.