this year feels so weird.

my 2019 was full of rides. of course, there are fun rides, but bad rides are as much as fun rides which have taught me so many lessons.

i've done many mistakes, i've apologized millions of times, i've said thank you lots of times.

i made many new friends, i left many old friends. there were unhealthy circles that i successfully got out of it, there are circles that i wished to get in because i've tasted how things are in there. i've craved to feel belonged, and the craving has been fed on. even though it's not fixed, but i appreciate every moment when you include me in. thank you for remembering me and acknowledging my existence. i feel touched whenever you all remember my name, be it Najwa, or Wawa, or Wa, or Wo, or and Wowo. you don't know how much i questioned my impact in people's life throughout the years because people were always ignoring me, or acting like i didn't ever have happened in their life.

i fell in love, i fell out of love, i fell in love again but with specific conditions.

i've let go one once for all, and i've let go one but i keep on coming back but he has gone so far away from me now. i've hold on the fight that i lost, and i've hold on the fight i had the chances to win but i didn't grab the opportunity.

i've sweat so much when i had to walk back and forth for 1.5km every day for 5 weeks because i was too broke. memang literally kais pagi makan pagi kais petang makan petang. i used the money i earned yesterday to eat today. my legs were aching at the end of each day, but i couldn't complain.

the lessons i've taken this year were open minding ones. i've grown so much in a year, in every way.

most importantly, i have learned to love myself. i have found myself. and i do not want to be anybody else than me myself. i have loved myself more than i did past years. ironically, when i got my first break out, that was when i started to learn how to love my own flaws. these scars i have now, they made me love myself more than when i had clear skin.

these all are, precious experiences and beautiful memories that taught me so much in life.

2019 has been good to me. everyone that has walked into and out of my life, thank you for doing so because of you i have known what life is all about.

i'm anticipating what 2020 saves for me.