giving context: my uni canceled all of the pre-registered rooms so we have to re-register but manually, first come first serve.

giving context (2): i returned here in the hostel after almost 7 months of being at home due to MCO

giving context (3): my boyfriend is now has grown so casual with me, the spark isn't here anymore.

giving context (4): the online game i used to play all night, Habbo, i became less active and my friends have now grown far apart from me

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i never felt to be wanted this bad since, the furthest i could remember. 

i closed my heart so tight, that i didn't care about being not included, i didn't care if anybody to find me.

but i did tell myself to give people another chance; let myself embrace the warmth of people around me gave to me.

but no one invites me to go anywhere anymore.

but no one asks me to join anything anymore.

i was the only one whom so enthusiastic about getting the same room but they all deadass said "nah, i'm not returning until next week. i'll be in the same room with my other friends"

everyone has their usual hour of talking, usual hour of movie streaming, usual hour of taking screenshots, and i'm no longer there.

it really feels so bad when i couldn't get to 'follow' or even enter any room, i really thought we were friends friends.

he's not searching for me anymore.

i enjoyed my time alone. i enjoyed feeling lonely.

but i let myself to trust again, now again, i have nobody for once again.

i want to feel as if i were wanted to be in the place i thought i belonged.

i belonged nowhere, again.

i don't want to fall for people's warmth again. 

i'm just everyone casual friend, casual lover.